This trait has caused me problems both personally and professionally as I regularly find myself behind whatever timetable I need to be following. This can be highly stressful and where possible, my favourite response to stress is to eliminate it!
During November last year it occurred to me that the fact my tutoring numbers hadn't reached the level I want was reflecting problems that were going to need more than just a few days work to rectify. I analysed how my business was meeting the expectations that I have of a tutoring business, its organisation, structure, administration, presentation and the overall quality of the service that I was providing.
While there were many good things about that service, it was obvious that the answer to the question "Are you doing the best you can do with this business?" was no. Tutoring's a competitive business and that answer reflected an approach where the pursuit of excellence hadn't been the number one priority. I had developed a business that was, in practice, aiming to be 'good enough'. Unfortunately, good enough isn't always good enough.
My characteristic response was to create a list detailing the tasks that needed to be completed in order to raise my business to a standard that I could be proud of. I am a past master of creating detailed, well structured lists of tasks that need to be done so that I can achieve a series of personal goals. The lists just don't get completed. With around 50 items, most of them outlining lengthy tasks, this list was particularly long and seemed no more likely to be achieved than any of its predecessors.
Nevertheless, it was completed and I commenced work. While I hadn't formalised an order of priority in formulating the list, there was definitely one in my head. As per usual, the first few days were good, making a well structured list is empowering and generates a burst of enthusiasm in the same way the New Year gets us off to a strong start in terms of fulfilling personal goals.
Historically, a good day for me has been the precursor for a disaster as I get satisfied with myself, think that I'm doing well so I relax, do nothing productive the next day and drift back to the spiral of time wasting, feeling guilty about time wasting, doing less and less because of that guilt and eventually giving up on the project. This time I have been reviewing each night what I have achieved that day, asking myself what I seek to achieve the following day. If I'm stuck for inspiration, I look at the list, which gets added to as relevant items occur to me. It's approaching 70 items now.
Initially, I had to be very tough on myself, guarding against the idea that I was getting somewhere significant and constantly re-iterating that my performances today were what mattered, not yesterday and not tomorrow. I can live quite happily in visions of a future that will never be achieved!
As this has gone on I've noticed those thoughts coming readily to my head, and the process of reviewing the day's achievements and mentally planning for tomorrow occurring naturally, instead of needing to be forced. Similarly, I'm finding that leisure breaks are becoming just that, that there's an actual desire to get back to the main game. This is virtually unprecedented for me. Today I told Kristy I wouldn't be doing much today but I actually am because I have habituated the process.
THE list is by no means completed and I anticipate that there it will take me months to tick off the items currently on it but many items have been completed and completed to a standard that I am proud of.
What's struck me most about the change is that I am internalising the wisdom of Will Durant, summarising the approaches of Aristotle;
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."The wisdom of ages.
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