Microsoft, Office 365 and how 78 billion dollars in yearly revenue doesn't mean you know shit about online sales!

I have always preferred Windows based systems to Apple and I have used MS Office for many years, periodically buying new editions.

In line with the above, it occurred to me several weeks ago that it was time to update my current MS Office suite, some of the kids I tutor bring assignments in and so it's useful to have MS Office on all my computers and not just some of them as is currently the case. MS Office provides a good solution as it allows you to put MS Office on 5 PC's and 5 tablets, which is certainly enough to cover my needs. And at $119 a year, tax deductible given it's for the business, it didn't seem like a totally unreasonable price to me. I'm well aware of Open Office but it can be bit of a nuisance when the kids don't use it so I prefer to have the standard behemoth.

So, decision made, I clicked into the Microsoft web store, found my way to the product and tried to order it. Epic fail #1. It failed to put my order through. While this doesn't happen often, these things do occur so I just left it for a couple of weeks and came back on Saturday. Order goes through, I get the confirmation email and told that another email including the download link will be sent soon. I've purchased software online many times and it's quite common for the product link to be sent to you in a separate email, although it's also common for you to be taken directly to the download site upon paying. Clearly, Microsoft don't want to be common.

I did note that there was a warning that not all people were getting the confirmation email but I figured that a company which managed 78 billion dollars in revenue last year would have managed to fix that.

Sunday morning - check emails no dice, but I decided to give them another 24 hours as Microsoft is an older company and probably only works Monday to Friday. Monday morning - no dice again so I took my courage in both my hands and contacted the online help. 

"Hi! Thank you for visiting Microsoft Store Customer Support! My name is Joe Bloggs *. How may I help you today?"

I explained how I'd paid for Office 365 without getting the payment...

"I'm so sorry to know that. But don't worry, I will do all my best to help you with this concern."

The patronising tone evident in the call centre style greeting continues - I don't want your best - losers always whine about their best - I want the problem solved!

We got through the procedures to verify my order and the account and then he drops the bomb on me...

"I understand how important this purchase is to you. Sadly,our system encountered an error within the order placing process. Sadly your order has been cancelled."

Gee, great way to do your best people and thanks again for more of your patronising attitude! Your company's incompetence isn't sad, it's downright shameful! 

I decided it was time to give him a free assessment of his company's skills:

"This is twice that I have tried to buy Office 365 and not been able to. Pass on to your superiors that your company's incompetence in putting together a basic online sales interface astounds me. I've purchased online from many a small operation and, astonishing as this concept may be to you, they manage to take my payment and give me access to the downloadable items."

 Perhaps the dripping sarcasm might provoke a real response:

"I'm so sorry for this inconvenience."

Wishful thinking on my part. Still,  I keep telling my students that persistence is important so I try again:

"Please also suggest to them that encouraging their salespeople to talk like members of the human race and not robots wouldn't be a bad idea, either! As for the product, I'm sick of trying to buy it and will use Open Office instead."

A lie re Open Office but I'm getting desperate.

 "I will escalate your case to our higher level of Department it takes for about 48-72 hours."

I'm starting to question whether it's a human or a robot on the other end of this conversation, a train of thought encouraged by 'his' next few comments:

 "Nothing to worry, I will personally monitor your order here in my end. I will also send you available email updates."

Order? What order? You've told me the order is cancelled - what the fuck is there to monitor and update?

 "I hope I was able to help you in the way I possibly can. It’s my honor and pleasure. Our goal is to ensure that you have a great experience with Microsoft products and services."

It's a real challenge to experience a product that you lack the capability to sell to me. And you are definitely missing the 'u' in honour.

 "We appreciate you for doing business with Microsoft. Again this is Joe Bloggs *, thank you for visiting Microsoft Store! Enjoy your day, take care! =)"

 "Thank you for chatting with us. Please click the "Close" button on the top right of the chat window to tell us how we did today."

How you did today? How you *did* today???? 

"HAVE YOU BEEN FUCKING READING ANY OF THIS FUCKING CONVERSATION YOU FUCKING MACHINE IMPERSONATING PIECE OF MORONIC KAFKAESQUE COMPANY REPRESENTATIVE SHITHEAD?!!"

 "You are not currently connected to an Answer Tech (Microsoft sales specialist)."

"FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"  Spoken out loud.

 I'm awaiting further developments, I will note that I do not currently have access to Office 365 while according to Teachers Mutual Bank and Paypal, Microsoft still have access to my 119 dollars!

Further updates as they come to hand.

* Name changed to protect the 'salesperson',  if he was a real person he was doing 'everything' he was trained to do and I have no particular beef with him other than his choice of career, surely he can do better.